VII. A Brief Inquiry into Disappointment
After a tear-jerking goodbye with Bimasakti and probably a solitude phase for her friendship with Aulia, Lusiana could only live her life with some elegy tone. Thankfully, there was Abimanyu, even though she wouldn’t be as grateful for him in some part of her future. Nevertheless, Abimanyu was a friend in need.
He asked her to go out for a drink or dinner several times, and for a while, Lusiana didn’t feel so all alone. She was glad that she still had a friend.
But her opinion about him was about to change.
‘Are we going to have dinner tonight?’
Lusiana opened the chat from Abimanyu, asking for some dinner. She typed yes and sent it away to him. He said he would pick her up at 7 p.m.
Soon, Lusiana got changed and put on some cologne, so she had a scent of fresh air. She waited for Abimanyu on the front porch of her place, and after waiting for five minutes, he had arrived.
“So, where are we going?”
“Eat,” he said. “Come on, buckle up.”
“Where?”
“Somewhere close. How about Al’s Chicken?”
“Sounds good. But you should know I don’t bring money at all.”
“Got it.”
After she had made sure that it was safe for her to bring no money, she felt secure. Probably having just a friendly, platonic relationship like this was what she needed. Meanwhile, Abimanyu was the only man she had an ongoing conversation on her phone.
Like literally.
Bimasena was vanishing just like a whisper everyone would forget. Except for Lusiana. Deep down, she missed him so badly because the conversation they had was irreplaceable, and for her, finding a person who could understand what you were saying was hard. They were like two souls attached since they had a similar taste of art or read the same book. But of course, what she knew and what Bimasena knew just summed up to each other’s knowledge.
If Abimanyu was the one for her, she wished to love him without any prejudice. But she couldn’t do that. There were some doubts and fear to have love at that time.
Lusiana couldn’t understand what she felt. It was just some indescribable doubts.
They had arrived at the restaurant, and after ordering some food and drinks, they waited.
In silence…
“Abi?”
“Yes?”
“How was your day?”
“Haha, some selling saved the day. But you would never be interested in that, would you?”
“Try me.”
Abimanyu began to talk about his business or his father’s business that he ran. But the more Lusiana tried so hard to understand what he was talking about, the more she lost it. She could only sadly think about why Abimanyu chose to run his father’s company while he had a bachelor’s degree in chemical engineering.
“Interesting,” she kept commenting to imply that she listened to him even though she could only use some vague words.
“Stop it, Lusiana.”
“Hey, why?”
“I could tell you’re not interested.”
“I’m sorry, I tried.”
“I wish Aulia was with us right now.”
“Then unblocked her and talked to her like usual.”
“It’s complicated…”
“Hmm… I prefer not to hear any about it.”
“Okay, so if it’s only both of us, we should make it through!”
“If only we stop having any prejudice.”
“I don’t have any.”
“But I do have, so stop saying you don’t have any prejudice about me.”
“Hmm, what is it?”
“I still don’t know what you’re doing in your father’s company. Managing?”
“Oh, for God’s sake, Lusiana. I have done this job since I graduated. The least you could do is support me!”
“I do support you, Abimanyu. That’s why I asked you, what are you doing there? You should be working in some petroleum company out there! You were the one who would do anything to enter in Chemical Engineering!”
“Yeah, but I don’t have a choice, okay?”
“You do have a choice. You chose to save your father’s company from any bankruptcy.”
“Yes, and saving my two little sister’s legacy. You knew if I didn’t meddle since then, that company would be in the hand of the woman who crumbled my family and broke my mother’s heart!”
They stopped arguing because the food and drinks had just come. After the waiter was gone, Lusiana asked him.
“So, you chose their safety rather than your passion?”
Abimanyu scoffed.
“Unlike you who could choose to study Biology in college and working as a reporter without having a scold from your parents, my choice would hurt others, Lusiana.”
“But my parents are dead, Abimanyu. I wish they—”
“Yeah, sometimes it’s best for the parents to go, okay. I wish my parents were dead, especially my father. I hate him so much for cheating on my mother.”
“You didn’t mean that! You love him!”
“What do you know about love towards parents?”
“I know I miss mine…”
“Missing what? Your parents or the opportunity to love them? Since we both knew you never did that.”
And just like that, Lusiana had lost any interest in Abimanyu…
VIII. Somebody That I Used to Know
After leaving him that night, Lusiana hadn’t had the chance to talk with Abimanyu. Nor did she want it, anyway. Even so, this time, it was all alone again for her.
Abimanyu was her dearest friend, once. There was something she could not cope with about Abimanyu that had made her part ways with him. It was something that made her unable to forgive herself and him.
Abimanyu came from a broken family. His father was cheating on his mother. From that affair, Abimanyu had a stepsister. Lusiana should have been sad about the reality about him. Yet, he could tell her only when Abimanyu’s stepsister was 12 years old. Ironically the affair was started when Abimanyu was in junior high school, or to be exact, the time when Lusiana had begun befriending Abimanyu.
Abimanyu didn’t talk about his family to Lusiana, but Aulia had known about it long before Lusiana knew. No. It wasn’t about who knew first or why he didn’t tell her first. It wasn’t about FOMO. It was about trust.
Trust between him and her.
What was the meaning of their friendship if he couldn’t talk about important things to her?
Nevertheless, Lusiana still wanted to erase the doubt living inside her heart. She still wanted to have a good friendship with Abimanyu. So, when he told her about it, she gave him nothing but a good hug.
So, what finally made her give their friendship up?
“Lusiana, do you remember our friend, Ade?”
“Yes, I do. You sat with that guy in the third class, right?”
“Yes.”
“What about him?”
“Some time ago, we met at the mosque near his house. I was on my way home back then. We started to talk and long for some memories. We exchanged numbers too.”
“Okay, so, what about?”
“He asked to meet him again.”
“Okay, then. I can’t see why not.”
“I can see why.”
“Why?”
“Because in the end, all those people will approach me just for money, just like my parents, my sisters, or my father’s girlfriend. I won’t believe with people so easily, Lusiana.”
Lusiana was looking at Abimanyu. They were sitting at one desk in the crowded mall that evening. Abimanyu’s face was blurry as the artificial light swallowed the expressions. The more Lusiana looked at Abimanyu, the more she asked, who was this guy?
ARCTURIAN 
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