III. Over A Cup of Cappuccino
Bimasakti, the name Lusiana would never think to hear from again…
She met him when she was about to graduate from her college. He was Aulia’s friend, and probably still her friend now. Even though Lusiana could not stop thinking about how close they were, both were closer than what she said about them. Sadly, it had made Lusiana feel a bit insecure and a little bit jealous because in her heart, she admitted that he was charming in a way she could never describe and having a third wheel is always worse for your luck.
He was cocky, but it gave him a charisma that she liked. But the cockier he was the more she loved their interactions and the more she was interested in him. Of course, without a clue, Lusiana had a big crush on him, and he ran away knowing that, which had led to the first open ending from their vague relationship.
It was 2017 when they first met, and they could finally speak to each other again in 2019, before Covid, over a cup of a cappuccino and a matcha tea.
“You know, kissing is the easy part,” Bimasakti said in front of Lusiana and Aulia, which made Lusiana smile.
“Lusiana? Do you think so?” asked Aulia. It was a usual night for them, they were hanging around together in one coffee shop to talk about the job market. At that time, Bimasakti still had no occupation.
“So, Lusiana, you must be good with French,” he asked while his eyes were still fixating on his computer, applying for some IT training in town.
“Quite much, but there are still vocabs I do not understand, Mas.”
“Oh, are you being humble for getting any regard?”
“No, do you think I need that from you?”
He smirked, and she played both of her eyebrows. Of course, Aulia looked at them both with a goofy smile. “Okay, I don’t mind being the third wheel!” She spoke.
“You’re not!” They both screamed in unity, and then they smiled but Lusiana smiled awkwardly.
For her, Aulia was not the third wheel, friendship was as important as a relationship with the opposite gender. But if he said the same thing, did he think the same way, or did he think more about Aulia?
“Okay, can we come back to the part when you said that kissing was the easy part? So you had done that?”
“Of course. I kissed someone that made me think about commitment.”
“And where is this person now?” asked Lusiana.
“Gone.”
“What happened to her?”
“Long story, don’t want to talk about it.”
“Hmmm,” said Aulia, and Lusiana smirked.
Nevertheless, that night ended well for them, and by the time when they finally had reached home, Bimasakti called Lusiana.
“I have something to talk to you about.”
“Oh yeah? What about?”
“When we were talking about kissing earlier, you were implying that I kissed a girl, right?”
“Yes.”
“It was a boy.”
“What? Are you like, gay?”
“I—I don’t know. I guess I’m bi.”
“Hmm… okay. So when was the last time you’re in a relationship with a girl?”
“2019, with Mira.”
“Oh..”
“Yeah…”
“What about me, then?”
“Hmm, do you still want to have something with me?”
“Probably…”
“Let’s try it then.”
“What? Really?”
“Do you want it or not?”
“Y—yes, I guess. But do you want it?”
“Yes.”
It was a lie, but Lusiana could not understand it at the time, and at the end of that day, Lusiana texted Aulia to say that she and Bimasakti would like to try a new leaf. Aulia said she was glad they tried that, and Lusiana slept with a happy heart that night.
Until…
Bimasakti could be so irresistible by never stopping texting or calling Lusiana, and for once, she felt so happy. But it only lasted for two days straight. After that, he was missing, gradually.
And at that lonely time, Lusiana began to search about Bimasakti. She recalled that he has two Instagram account and one Twitter account. She had stalked him since they still did not talk, and by his previous confession about his sexual preference, she could understand why he had several pictures of men on his Twitter.
Of course, Bimasakti never knew that Lusiana stalked him…
Sadly, what once a fun stalk had changed into something Lusiana regretted because for the time he didn’t text or call her, Bimasakti posted so many screenshots of his video call with a man.
A man.
It was just one man, but Lusiana could not stop feeling frustrated because on that account, he told the exact date when he was officially dating the man.
And it was just several days after he said he wanted to try with Lusiana…
IV. A Change of Heart
Have you ever felt like the world stays as it is, but your feelings just change, your heart changes its direction, and you outgrew someone so bad?
It was just her jealousy over a man, yet Lusiana felt a heavier feeling than being cheated with a girl. A man. He said he was bisexual, and she said it would be fine until she realized what was that meant.
Being with a bisexual person means that your relationship would always be merrier by the third wheel. They would be there, lurking and waiting for their time to have a good time and giving pleasure to your loved one, leaving you behind all alone.
No matter how big her feelings towards Bimasakti, or how fluttered her stomach was because of him, she could not feel anything rather than a change of heart. She never waited for his text anymore, and she could only wish for him to disappear. But then, it would have been unfair.
The flutters with bedazzling butterflies inside of her stomach had stopped. No more interest towards Bimasakti. No more time finishing enigmatic messages tried to find heartfelt code. No more. No more. No more.
So, when he asked about how she was doing, she found her time to talk about what she should speak about in the first place.
“Hey…”
“Hey, how are you?” asked Bimasakti to Lusiana over their phone call.
“I’m fine… uh, can I ask something?”
“What?”
“Can we meet next week?”
“Uh… I don’t know, I have to plan it with Aulia.”
“No need of her. Just both of us.”
“I don’t think I can make it.”
She used to be confused why Bimasakti needed Aulia to escort him in their meeting, but then it was crystal clear. When you want to have a relationship with a man, but you were pushed to fall in love with a woman instead, you do need to be encouraged.
“Oh.”
“What is it?”
“Hmm, I have something to say but I can’t say it over a phone, that’s why we need to see each other directly.”
“Say it here.”
Did he know about her change of heart?
But anyhow, she braved herself.
“I can’t try it anymore.”
“Why?”
“I asked my sister about you, and she said no, so no more of us, Mas Bima. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, okay…”
That day, if the three Bimas were butterflies living in Lusiana’s heart, then Bimasakti butterflies almost died. But that butterfly had to wait for a year to die in the end…
ARCTURIAN 
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